An old beginning

Well, how many new beginnings at something can we have before we admit that we're just not doin' it, eh?   So this is the continuation of an old beginning, and I'm just moving really, really slow.

Comes with age.

Many things do.    The expanding waistline is one of those things.    The rising blood pressure is another.   I'm beginning to rethink my philosophy.   More old beginnings you see.

So you have a world of people out there getting really annoying at times with their fandom of the latest food fad.   Going Gluten Free was a thing -- maybe it still is -- I don't pay a lot of attention.   I know people who *have* to be gluten free.   Celiac disease is a real thing -- and they suffer with it.  Somehow it feels wrong to me that others choose to take a diet that someone else has no choice about.  But perhaps that's part of my disconnect with people.

You have your Gluten Frees, your sugar frees, your carb frees, your fat frees, and of course the pesticide, hormone, and antibiotic frees (which I believe is actually a good thing).    And then you have your "food tastes -- and tastes darn good, thank you very much!" types -- that's me.

I mean, if God wanted us to be free of meat, carbs, fat, soda, gluten, sugar and salt, then what did He put us *HERE* for?   This world is full o' those things!   Then He said -- "Here, this'll get 'em." and He made ALL the bad stuff taste good, and all the good stuff taste BAD (if it tastes at all).

What a sense of humor.

So I feel like -- if I can live a little longer eating food I don't like, then why would I want to eat it?   I can eat what tastes GOOD and live a little less, but ENJOY it while I'm here!   Hedonists are us?

Feeling deja vous.   Did we have this talk already?    Suffer.  I'm getting older and can't remember what I've told to who.   Nod and smile.  I'll never know the difference.

But with a BP reaching the level of my weight, I'm feeling like no.   This was a bad idea.  I won't ask you for a better idea, because nothing makes me feel more guilty and annoyed than people telling me what I need to know about losing weight.   I know it, OK?   I don't believe it enough to act on that knowledge.  

Herein lies all my failings.   I be smart enough to know better, but have enough excuses to keep from doing it.

A couple years ago, I was suffering with sleep deprivation and had no clue.   I was up every hour all night.   Falling asleep at the drop of a hat wherever I was just to get some rest during the day.    Sometimes in places I NEEDED to stay awake.  The office.   The parking lot.   The road.  

The road.   I will never forget the image of the pylon in my front window the day I drove off the freeway.   No -- I didn't hit it.   I managed to right the car and get back on without killing me or anyone I shared the road with.    Had it been a non-divided highway with oncoming traffic, I'd not be writing this blog.   Had it been 1 minute later, I'd not be writing this blog.   I got the reprieve.

So I use a CPAP.   I sleep all night long, and I feel great.    But I thought I felt great before.   I didn't know what feeling great was.   See where I'm going with this?    Maybe not.   I HAD the CPAP machine beside my bed the whole time I was walking in my sleep.    It was there.   I wasn't using it because I "knew" I didn't need it.  

I am my own worst enemy.

So when I see that BP on the meter, I know it's time to end this.   It's time to stop relying on the meds, push away from the computer, WALK away, and keep going till I earn the rest and there's half the an I was sitting at the computer.

Well, I *know* that's what I should do.